MM: Can You Tell Me How To Get

Keeping a three-year-old child entertained can be difficult even under normal circumstances. Their attention span is poor, they're hungry for knowledge of the big outside world, and while they understand the meaning of "no", "not now", and "I'm busy", they're rarely good about respecting such things.

When the three-year-old in question is a superintelligent alien being raised in a high-security prison, the difficulty is multiplied by at least six.

Toys meant for normal children his age bored him. Anything more advanced was out of the question; not only were the prison's funds limited, but the staff had seen what he could do when he got his little hands on anything mechanical.

The warden hated the idea of television as a babysitter. But the sad fact was, they couldn't let the boy do so many other things a normal child would be allowed to, and a bored, stir-crazy Johnny Blue was everyone's nightmare. After much pleading from the group of inmates who were Johnny's main caregivers (his "uncles", as they'd dubbed themselves), and with a promise from some sympathetic guards that they'd keep a close eye on things, he was allowed to have a TV.

If nothing else, they could keep him in line by threatening to take it away.


#-#-#


The adults at the prison often forgot that they were raising two alien children.

Minion (he had no memory of any other name) was aware that most humans saw him as a pet instead of a person, even if he was too young to fully understand why it bothered him. When the grown-ups read to his master, or showed him flashcards, or told him about how things worked, the little fish tried to pay attention as well. But he simply didn't pick things up as fast, and they never checked to see if he'd learned the lesson before they moved on.

By the standards of human children, Minion was very bright. But the only child he knew to compare himself to was his Sir, who he lagged far behind. He knew letters had sounds, but he couldn't put them together in his head the way Sir could, and he still couldn't speak well enough to ask for help.

It was frustrating. He wanted to learn, for his sake as well as his friend's. On their home planet, there would have been other sentient fish to teach him, but on Earth he was alone – even more so than his master.

The television changed everything.

One morning, Johnny had been pushing the channel button (as the one with opposable digits, it was always his job) when a joyful, welcoming tune had come on. A chorus of happy voices had begun singing about a sunny day sweeping the clouds away. There had been a playground, a park, an inner-city neighborhood, and other scenes Minion had only heard about – all more colorful and musical than he'd ever imagined.

And, most amazing of all, it wasn't only humans who lived in this "Sesame Street" place. There was a big yellow bird (even taller than Uncle Russ!), and a talking frog, and something that looked like a hairy elephant, and all sorts of other creatures.

And some of the people were blue, like Sir and his parents! Others were orange, or purple, or green. But no matter what they looked like, they were all people, and they lived together far more happily than anyone in the prison did.

Sir said the show was boring, and the creatures were just puppets. But even he sometimes watched when the toothy purple fellow who counted everything was on. "His cape is neat, and he can control the weather!"

Minion didn't care. He watched the show whenever he could, and learned.

Those who paid attention to him could see his language skills rapidly improving. He could read almost as well as his master, and he understood numbers, colors, shapes . . .

But most of all, he knew about the world beyond the prison. It could be scary and dangerous, and sometimes bad things happened, but it could also be a good place, where people were friendly even if you were different from them.

When he learned that he and Sir would be going to school, Minion was excited.


The End